Remote Warfare

August 21, 2005



Inching her way along the wall, she tried to constrict her breathing..

Staying as silent as humanly possible. She could not give her presence

away at this time, if she did then all was lost. The whole mission would be

blown! Manuvering her body effortlessly around the trashcan in the

kitchen, she was home free, there were no more obstacles in her path.

Thank Heavens! She moved a little quicker, sliding along the wall

gracefully, her back barely touching the wall, no sound other than the

slight intake of breath which could not be overheard since the TV was on.

He couldn’t possibly know what she was up to, she thought.

As she got to the wall joining the dining room and the living room, this

was where she knew that it would get tricky. If she was going to be found

out, this was were it would all play out, if she popped her head around the

corner and he happened to be looking…. No! She wouldn’t think that way!

She couldn’t stand living through one more day with this hanging over

her head, not one more day!!!

As she peeked around the corner, she sighed a silent sigh of relief, he was

dozing in the chair! This was going to be easier than she had thought. She

eased around the corner and approached the chair, reaching for the object

in his hand, relief already flooding through her body at the thought of

having her hands wrapped around it. Just as she reached him, her fingers

brushing the hard plastic casing of the object in question, the floorboard

creaked under her foot! As her blood ran cold, she knew… knew that her

mission was blown, she was done for! She looked up at his face, knowing

before her eyes reached his that his eyes were already open. Her green eyes

met his sky blue eyes, and she could see the unspoken question in those

fathomless eyes of his. Before he could speak, she grabbed for the object,

diving out of his reach at the same time, rolling onto the floor trying to

stay out of his reach. As his sleep befuddled mind registered what was

going on, he lumbered out of the chair and the fight was on. He pounced

on her as she was trying to roll out of the way, frantically volleying for the

object she was hiding under her body. As they wrestled for it, curses

ensued, hair was pulled and death threats were called out. The neighbors

surely were curious as to what was happening, however help would not

come.

“It’s mine, I’m tired of you having it, leave me alone!!!!” she screamed as she

bit his hand.

“No, give it back….. I had it, that’s not fair, you caught me when I dozed

off for a second, give it back now!” he yelled as he frogged her in the leg.

“I’m telling your mother that you hit a girl Bill, now give me the damned

remote!!!!” Carol screamed in his face as she clung desperately to the remote

control, visions of CSI dancing through her head.

As Bill wrapped his fingers through Carol’s much shorter hair since the

trim last week, he howled in pain as she gripped the little flap of skin under

his chin and gave a twist…. “Not fair, you don’t have a double chin

anymore, you suuuuck! That’s it!” Bill hollered.

The next thing Carol knew she was in a twisted up position with Bill

victoriously sitting on top of her holding the remote control. “Do you give

up?” He asked as he swatted her on the rump.

“Fine, I give.” She muttered knowing that she was defeated, the vision of

CSI disintegrating. As she retreated to the couch, she flipped him off and

said a few choice words, reminding him that the fact that he has

remarkably more upper body strength than she does is the only reason he

won the remote control war.

He started to flip channels, a grin on his face, victorious in his win. She sat

watching him, plotting the next time that she would attempt to get the

remote, knowing that the next time…. She would not make the same

mistake, and she would be victorious!!!



Can you tell I am tired of my husband having control of the remote? I

remember a time when he could care less what was on the television, he

would just sit and watch. Now, he insists on watching Junkyard Wars,

Overhaulin, and a variety of other shows that make me want to jump off a

bridge with my hair on fire! Someone please save me with an episode of

Law and Order, CSI or a really good book. I am out of books, I have read

all of the ones in the house that I haven’t read, having read Harry Potter in

record time, now I am sorry that I don’t linger over books. Tomorrow, I

am heading out to the thrift stores, in search of books!!!!



The doctor decided to try to switch me to Lunesta last week to see if it

would work for me since I have been on Ambien for so long. One of the

side effects of Lunesta is “Nasty taste” and sorry to put it so bluntly but

that means… “tastes like dead rodent on a highway after sitting in 104

degree weather for a month and a half.” For real! That medication give the

nastiest taste in your mouth that I have ever ran across in my life! It isn’t

the pill itself, it is about ten minutes after taking it… your sitting there

minding your own business and all of a sudden…. POW a dead rodent

comes and crawls into your mouth! On top of that… that commercial with

the nice little butterfly going from person to person helping them to

“catch” a good nights sleep? Wrong! I can take a Lunesta, then lay awake

with my dead rodent tasting mouth all night long, tossing and turning,

wanting to puke my guts out. And at about 3am with the nasty taste in

my mouth, that butterfly on that commercial is getting some pretty morbid

thoughts directed at it, I tell ya! So, needless to say…. I will take either

Insomnia, or the Ambien, but you can keep the Lunesta!



Well, we clear CIF tomorrow. I am nervous and sick to my stomach. The

whole rest of our lives seems to be strung up on this one apt. We wont get

anywhere else if we don’t get through this one place. Bill has gotten all of

his stuff together and cleaned, we are prepped, and ready to go. I just keep

trying to think of what all can go wrong. But, if all goes well, then after

tomorrow this time, he wont have any more military gear in the house and

then in 48 hours we will have hard copy orders to clear this post. Then we

can go to Transportation to schedule to movers, and schedule housing to

come and get us out of here. So, hopefully we can get out of here by the

tenth or so and get back with our kids and get on with the rest of our

lives… whatever that may be. Wish us luck!!