Monday, July 2, 2007

The blue mat of death

I am currently involved in a DIY quagmire! I need Bob Villa to bring his old ass here and help me out! In order to replace the window I have to basically redo my whole living room and hallway. Blech! Last night and today I worked on painting the doors and that has been about all that I have gotten done. I have put two coats on each door and casing and still need to put another coat on them! And I haven’t even started on the nine miles of crown molding, sanding the patching work on the drywall and haven’t even started thinking of painting the walls and ceiling. I love my window but boy this is getting carazee! Does someone love to paint and want to spend a few days in the country? Takers? Takers?! Come on people, you know you want to come and paint, and paint and paint a little more! I’ll cook you Fried Green Tomatos! Fine! When I go ‘Paint Crazy’ you remember that I asked for your help. You could have saved my sanity!!

I took a break from the massive amounts of painting that I think I may have mentioned and took my kids to the water park today along with my Sister and her kids. We had a blast! I took my old ass up the twenty flights of steps to the top of the water slide steps. I am standing there on a landing waiting in line behind the forty little children in front of me, my sister behind me and holding my blue mat of death in my hands. As I look down from the birds eye view that I have and see the little ant like image of my nephew I was thinking “what the hell am I doing up here?” I tell my sister in law that I don’t belong up there and the chicken impersonations started. As the line grew shorter, the little children hopping on the blue mats of death and hurtling down the water filled slide, I started to ask the questions that I probably should have asked before I launched my ass up the steps.

“Ok, how in the hell does this work, how do I get on this little thing? I don’t have to like, hop on it do I?”

“No, you just lay it on the ground, but make sure you use a foot to anchor it or it will shoot off without you, hang onto the railing and sit down. That’s it.” my sister says in between fits of laughter.

“Shut up Beck, just shut up.”

I’m peering over the little heads in line in front of me, catching sight of the little pool of water, the shoot to the slide and how the kids were doing it. It didn’t look too hard, I figured I could do it. I get to the front of the line and start to step into the little pool, it was slippery, water shooting all over the place and hell, I could have fell and broke a hip. I must have been going pretty slow cause there were two or three kids that shot out of there before I got my ass on my death mat. I grab the railing and start to place my mat where it is supposed to go. That little sucker tried to shoot out of my hand! I quick step and get my foot on it, almost biting it but managed to grab it. I manuever my big ass around and find myself finally sitting on the thing. Then I find that I am not moving. Hmmm. I give my ass a shimmy shove and start off. I’m thinking, “Wow, this isn’t very bad, I was afraid it would shoot me out of there like a bottle rocket but I was gently moving along.” I hear Beck behind me telling the little girl waiting for me to get to the bottom that she may as well have a seat cause it was going to be awhile and was mentally leaving myself a note to smack her upside the head when I felt the lurch/slide. Everything got really slippery and the next thing I know, I am hurtling down the slide at breakneck speed. I stick my hands out and try to slow myself down by latching onto the sides but that doesn’t do anything but burn my hands. Halfway down as I was being slung up way high on the wall in the middle of a turn, I thought that sitting up might be making me go higher on the wall through the turns so I lay down. This is not the smartest thing to do when you are exiting the shoot of death. I shoot out of there like a spit wad from a ten year olds straw and instantly find myself under the water. Not just under it, but shooting through it, all of the water in the landing pool shooting up my nose and touching my brain. It will take months for the chlorine burn to heal on my frontal lobe! I’m thinking that at 34 years old, I am too old to be going down a water slide. Either that or the age progression from menopause has sucked the fun out of me. I had more fun watching my nephew macking on a little girl in the kiddie pool!

The kittens are starting to take their first steps. It is adorable to see them trying to stand on their little tiny legs, all wobbly but determined. There is one that is extremely vocal. She/he bleats like a baby goat any time you move her/him. It drives momma cat to insanity and she runs back and forth to the box trying to settle it down. I think in the next few days they will start walking on their own and running around. I can’t wait to have little kittens playing around the house!




Here is a video of the kittens. There are some lighting issues but you can see them quite well.



Another short clip of the kittens

Kitten pictures:

Picture 042

"Ok, see that toe over there, I am going to pounce and start to tickle it, you... now here's where you come in, you have to come over and nip on it, OK"

"Hmmmm what? What's that smell?"

Picture 041

Realizing that there are plans to adopt the kittens out, this one starts early to try to earn a place in the current household.

Picture 051

"Ok, look lady... that wussy pussy didn't listen to me before, didn't have my back at all... so here's how it's gonna go.... I'm going to pounce, then tickle the toe. You, you jump in and start nipping... huh? What's that? It's YOUR toe I'm talking about? Damn!"

Picture 057

How could I resist these blue eyes????

Picture 029

The start of the DIY mess.

Picture 036

We had to rip the siding off and put it back on later, but you can tell what the house used to look like before siding was put on it. I think it is prettier but there is a lot of work involved in having that wood stuff on the outside.

Picture 034

I got a little nervous seeing it like that. Ok, a lot nervous!

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Finished window. I will take another once we get the casing up and all that. I LOVE this window!!!

2 comments:

AndreAnna said...

Ohmigosh, you totally had me cracking up with your water park story, That would be me!!!

And the window looks fabu!

Anonymous said...

I love the window AND the kitten videos. My favorite part of the videos is the commentary - your family is awesome!