The Menopausal Housewife: Drowned rats!

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*Knock, knock, knock*

“Yes?”

“Sorry to bother you Miss, but can we possibly use your phone?”

“Umm, sure. Stay here, I will be right back”

I grab the phone, keeping my eye on the door the whole time and thinking that I wished I had my gun where I could reach it. I was a bit freaked.

“Here you go” As I hand the one on the left the phone, the one on the right asks me if I had a cig he could possibly get. “umm, sure, they are menthol though.” I say as I turn and pick them up off the coffee table.

“Thank you so much Miss, tell you the truth, my nerves are so bad that I don’t care if they are non filtered Pall Malls from about twenty years ago.” Right says.

“Why, what happened? Hey, you’re soaking wet!” I realize this and at the same time try to figure out how in the hell I didn’t realize this sooner.

“Yeah, I am. We were in our boat on the river when this storm came on (it STORMED here, out of nowhere) and we were washed down here. We hit some rocks and were turned into the river and almost drowned. We were lucky enough to wind up right here on the bank and the boat got caught on some tree and we tied it up. We noticed your house and thought we could call for help. By the way, where are we?”

“Oh, Good Lord! Well, I’m glad ya’ll are alright.. um you are outside of town about twenty minutes.”

“I told you that we were (here by my house)” lefty says, hitting righty on the shoulder.

“Can you explain to my friend on the phone how to get here?” Righty asks as he hands me the phone.

They decided on meeting their ride down at the low water bridge that is about a mile from our house, thanked me and left. I watched them walk through my garden and out to the river to get back into their boat. The whole time I kept thinking… My God, what if they had been here to do harm, they could have kicked my door open and no one would have known. I wouldn’t have been able to stop them . I also felt guilty that I didn’t offer them a towel or let them come in, but at the same time I knew that I was right and that would have been dangerous. It freaked me out quite well. I am keeping my doors locked, I can tell you that. Living in the country is great, but there are some scary aspects of it. One I had never thought of was people coming up from the river… driving in or coming in on four wheelers had crossed my mind, but I always figured I could hear a vehicle. I stared at the river tonight and it looks completely different to me now.

*Update on the construction on Mom’s house. We have all of the outside work done and the guys are putting drywall up. They have three rooms done and we did the insulation a couple of days ago. I keep forgetting to take my camera over with me. I will try to remember tomorrow!

I cleaned some more today and rearranged my bathroom, but mostly I sat here and vegged in front of the TV. Such a life! Actually, I was bored to death but there were a couple good Lifetime movies on that kept me from going insane.

Paris Hilton gets out of jail this week! That poor girl, I mean really, she has spent such a long time in there that I wonder if she will be able to get used to sleeping in her big princess bed again. They say that she was treated more harsh than most because of her celebrity status but I think they should have been harder on her, but then again they should have been harder on Lindsey and Nicole also. Seriously these girls can all pay to have people drive them around, why are they getting in trouble for drunk driving? Dumb asses. Do you guys think that Paris has truly had an epiphany in jail and will change her habits when she is released?

The contest seems to be going great! The comments have me laughing my head off and Bill is either laughing or going ‘Heyyyy!!’ Ha! I am going to have him help me with the next contest by posing all kinds of crazy with some props or something.

Pictures of course!