Editted to Add Kitty pics: Scroll down for pics
Dustin got his final report card for his Freshman year. This child has worked his butt off trying to maintain a certain level of perfection, being the class pet in ROTC and trying to become some kind of Math genius. (He DID NOT inherit that gene from me.. I can’t add ¾ cup with ½ cup without having a nervous breakdown.) So, when I got his report card, I couldn’t resist myself. I secretly showed it to Bill and then said… “follow my lead”. I bellowed for Dustin in that ‘you are so in trouble mister’ voice and waited. He walked into the room with the ‘What?’ arm gesture looking confused and I pounced.
“Dustin, this is ridiculous, I thought you had gotten your act together and actually cared about your future! And you do this.. how could you? *sob* I don’t know what we are going to do with you!” I put my face in my hands and Bill jumps into the fray.
Dustin is looking confused and stammering “What? What did I do?” over and over again.
Bill gives him that wilting look that only a former soldier can master and says.. “Dustin, I can’t believe you would do this to your mother, your report card son.. how could you? You were doing so good, how did you screw up so bad? You will never be able to get into a good college now. BOY YOU BETTER BE READY TO SERVE FRENCH FRIES WITH THESE GRADES!” his voice rising a bit for emphasis.
Dustin is still looking confused and all of a sudden it dawns on him, you can actually see the ‘click’ on his face. “What? Give me that!!! I did great, my last semester card was good, the final report can’t be bad, GIMME THAT.”
I figure that we have sufficiently freaked him out so I holler “YOU JUST GOT PUNKED!” Bill starts laughing his Ass off and Dustin grabs the report card.
“Why can’t I have normal parents! You guys suck! I am going to put an ad in the paper to be adopted by someone normal!” He yells as he stomps off.
“Hey, Dustin, Wait!!!! Congratulations by the way, we really are proud of you!!”
“Shut up!” SLAM!
Bwuaaahaaaaaa, it’s still fun to mess with them!
Today I have spent the day dusting, sweeping, mopping, waxing the floors and cleaning the bathroom. Like it will matter fifteen minutes from now. But, at least I can say I did my ‘housewifely duties’. Now I just have to clean out the kittens beds, bleach and wash the towels that are in there now (Gaross) and piss them all off by taking a ton of pictures. The contest is going awesome, ya’ll are cracking me up! I should do this more often in the future, the comic relief is great!
I will be posting again tonight with the kitten pics, so check back this evening for kitty love!
Hellllewwwww, here are some pics as promised.
"Hey Ma, Timmy's stuck in the well!"
"Your soul is mine, resistance is futile mere mortal! Bwahahaaa"
"Sniff, Sniff... awww Sis, not again!!"
"Alright, I'll give you a backrub... but you have to give me half of the ground squirrel Mom brought... Huh? What do you mean that lady with the flashy thing took it away? Awwww Man!"
"She said take a left"
"No, she said take a right..."
"No she didn't she said left!"
4 comments:
You are MEAN parents!!
Glad your boy is doing well in school!! I did ROTC too in high school, but didn't have a choice and hated it. I was fat and the uniforms never fit me right.
That is so going to be in another 10 years or so! Oh, who am I kidding, I do that kind of stuff now. I just told Eeyore that we were going to Six Flags and then the day before we were supposed to leave I told him we didn't have enough money. He got big ol' tears in his eyes, so I caved in and told him I was just kidding. ;) I love torturing kids.
Palease, that is nothing.. When my daughters boyfriend calls I will tell him that she moved to live with her Aunt in Florida and I don't have the number for him to call. He jokes around and then when I don't laugh he thinks I am serious. I hang up and then my when my daughter talks to him again he is all.. your mom said you moved! Hahaha!!! Funniest thing is... he's fallen for it like three times.
One time, I made all the kids get in the car and I was acting all pissed and mean and Bill was furious looking. They were confused and asking where we were going and we told them that there was money missing from the dresser and we were taking them all to the police station for a lie detector test. When Joe started to freak we had to give in and tell him that we were taking them to see the new Pirates movie.
I LOVE to torture my kids! I really, really love Crystals story of how she tortured her son here...
http://boobsinjuriesanddrpepper.blogspot.com/2007/03/filed-under-parents-1-smart-ass-teenage.html
and I am thinking of doing that to my kid! Teeheeee!
Hi, Friend, anyone in menopause is a friend of mine. I am adding you to my blogroll.
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